It is difficult being the caregiver for a family member with dementia. This difficulty comes in different forms, but one of the most difficult is definitely how confusing it gets. In some cases, you have known this person your whole life, yet you don’t know how to handle them anymore. Little things that didn’t bother them now make them agitated. You might have also noticed that some techniques that were effective are not anymore.
It is a learning process that is made even more difficult because you have to learn how to care for a person that you know so well. The following dos and don’ts should help you navigate this process.
DO: Be Attentive to What Works
There’s a considerable amount of trial and error involved in dementia care. Each time you attempt something that works, try to note it down. Remember that this learning process applies to both of you. However, only you possess the ability to remember strategies that work. You’ll have to take advantage of this.
DON’T: Lean Only So Much on Reason
Remember that your family member is confused and some things don’t make sense like they used to. It won’t help if you spend time trying to make them see reason. At the moment, they’re overwhelmed by thoughts and feelings and you attempting to rationalize them away will only lead to frustration which will make the situation worse. Instead of focusing on logic, focus on their feelings.
DO: Make Use of Distractions
There are times when the disease’s symptoms can be used in your favor. When they’re agitated about something, shifting their attention to another thing can make them forget what they were agitated about in the first place. You may feel manipulative about it at first, but it won’t take too long before realizing that it is better to do anything to keep them comfortable most of the time.
DON’T: Get into Arguments
This is a pointless exercise. Your loved one has to contend with a lot of feelings, but getting into arguments with them will actually make things worse. Granted, you may be overwhelmed and frustrated as well – probably due to energy expended or the cost of dementia care. However, it still isn’t a good idea to take it out on them no matter what. It will end up making your job more difficult.
DO: Encourage Familiar Hobbies and Happy Memories
There’s a tendency to make your caregiving all about work, but it needs to also be about enjoying the precious time you both have together. You need to look for opportunities to still enjoy life despite the illness. Think of this as part of the job of the caregiver: creating moments to reminisce about memories they used to enjoy. You should also create time for both of you to partake in activities that you both like.
DON’T: Take Things Personal
There are days when your loved one will be almost as they were in the past, but there will be more days when they’re easily frustrated or angered. Remember that none of this frustration or anger is your fault. They’re more likely angry that the disease has robbed them of a chunk of their lives. Make sure you’re always patient and try to take breaks.
